Share Stories – September

September Stories

 

Like apples ready for harvest—pick your most scrumptious memories, combine them with all necessary ingredients, and create a tasty treat for your reader’s eyes and ears.

A minimum of one week in advance of your feedback session, upload your piece for review here. Stories should not exceed 1,000 to 1,250 words.

Feedback groups are created and posted here by end of the day on Wednesday before the feedback group. Check back to determine who your feedback partners are, download their stories, and begin your review.

This is also a place where all Life Writers can come to enjoy fellow members’ stories. Then, if you care to, leave the author a note of encouragement.

Feedback Groups

Group 1

Dave Godin
Elizabeth (Betty) Patterson
Lorna Deane

Group 2

Jackie Raymond
Judy Fink
Orah Zamir

Group 3

John Roche
Kit Dwyer

Group 4

Linda Peterson
Norma Beasley
Nancy Archibald

Group 5

Julie Folkerts
Etya Krichmar

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
65 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Barbara Gardner
Barbara Gardner
2 months ago

Thank you. Would appreciate any comments.
Peace,
Barbara

Orah Zamir
Orah Zamir
2 months ago
David Godin
David Godin
2 months ago
Reply to  Orah Zamir

Thank you Orah. Your story reinforces my belief we need to be kind to one another because we don’t know their circumstances. I am glad you are healing.

JOHN ROCHE
JOHN ROCHE
2 months ago
Reply to  Orah Zamir

Orah,
Once again, you have given me an education…and thoughts. My Jewish neighbors in Brooklyn all seemed to have tight families and the highest of family standards. I’ve now read a handful of stories from you and others that make me wonder if this could have been a facade in some cases.
Keep healing, Orah.
John

Linda Peterson
Linda Peterson
2 months ago
David Godin
David Godin
2 months ago
Reply to  Linda Peterson

A very fun story. I never rode the bus but can now imagine what it must have been like. I can’t imagine students today being bussed under the same conditions; having to stand, jumping out to look for trains..

JOHN ROCHE
JOHN ROCHE
2 months ago
Reply to  Linda Peterson

Linda,

Fun story conjuring up some memories of my school days. You set some grate (as in PO warmth) scenes in your work.
Funny how you and I grew up in such different environments. Yet you stir up my teenage senses.

John

Betty Patterson
Betty Patterson
2 months ago

Here is my story for review. I hope you enjoy it.

JOHN ROCHE
JOHN ROCHE
2 months ago

Betty,

Enjoyed the tale. Could have used a little more scene, i.e. description and type of office.

John

Betty Patterson
Betty Patterson
2 months ago
Reply to  JOHN ROCHE

Thanks John. Will do.

Nancy Archibald
Nancy Archibald
2 months ago

My story about a Flower Shop

Orah Zamir
Orah Zamir
2 months ago

Nancy, my heart is beating, as I believe yours might have been after the encounter with Ray. My life has been filled with synchronicities, so I recognize them. I think this was one for you. It feels like a positive outcome; the timing could not have been better. Nicely written.

David Godin
David Godin
2 months ago

I enjoyed this although I suspect you had trouble writing the story. I know I would have. It is personal and the encounter appears to have validated your decision to marry Jim. I can feel the awkwardness of the situation and am glad your mom was there with you. I had always wondered what it would be like to encounter an ex and your story gave me a little insight into what it may be like.

BTW. The bouquet was very pretty.

Lorna Deane
Lorna Deane
2 months ago

Beautiful story, Nancy. The ending arouses curiosity, and creates tension, since we do not have information on what Ray has been through, and of your journey with him.This makes the story gripping, and the reader wanting to hear more.

JOHN ROCHE
JOHN ROCHE
2 months ago

Nancy,
Nicely developed story. I liked the way your mom bailed you out at the end.
John

Julie Folkerts
Julie Folkerts
2 months ago

Hope you enjoy my story. Thanks.

Orah Zamir
Orah Zamir
2 months ago
Reply to  Julie Folkerts

Hi Julie,
I enjoyed your story. I cannot imagine the number of times you moved, the surprisses your family encountered, or the opportunities that appeared. You had good sense about the opportunities. No to drugs. Yes to the band. It was a good idea to have something you could take with you wherever you went. I can imagine how difficult it was to keep making new friends, never knowing how long you would be somewhere. Thank you for a fun story.

David Godin
David Godin
2 months ago
Reply to  Julie Folkerts

You led such a nomadic, uprooted, life but still show, through your writing, a positive and optimistic outlook on your life. Early in the story, you mention the drug trade but instead of dwelling on that negative aspect, make most of the story about beginning to play the trumpet and your interaction with your father.
Very enjoyable.

Idalia
Idalia
2 months ago
Reply to  Julie Folkerts

Hi! Julie, Your story continues to show your resilience and survival skills as a prolific mover in your childhood. Through no fault of your own you moved 29 times and that strikes out as a bold interesting feature. Each story brings the reader to experience a place they may never have visited. I love how you bring out the focus of this place in Raton, New Mexico, drugs! Since in Spanish, Raton means rat, that fact that drugs was the destructive rat in this area stood out. And this was over fifty years ago I’m thinking. So what we see… Read more »

JOHN ROCHE
JOHN ROCHE
2 months ago
Reply to  Julie Folkerts

Okay, I read it. No suspense. You let me know in the very first line that it was your 29th. Every time I read one of your stories, the first thing that comes to mind is How the hell did they do it? But I guess the human spirit can carry you a long way.
Look forward to the ending.

JOHN ROCHE
JOHN ROCHE
2 months ago
Reply to  Julie Folkerts

Julie,
I’m gonna reply before even reading the story.
Which move is this?
John

Etya Krichmar
Etya Krichmar
2 months ago

Here is my story for review.

JOHN ROCHE
JOHN ROCHE
2 months ago
Reply to  Etya Krichmar

Etya, your usual excellent discourse. Two things are gnawing at me.

  1. You started the story in 1961. That was the last time you mentioned a year. Each event had me wondering what year it was happening.
  2. You used first person singular when you moved to the U.S. Did your husband join you?
Judy
Judy
2 months ago
Reply to  Etya Krichmar

Etya, your stories never cease to move me. You have a real gift. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Etya Krichmar
Etya Krichmar
2 months ago
Reply to  Judy

Judy, thank you for reading it. I appreciate your comments

David Godin
David Godin
2 months ago
Reply to  Etya Krichmar

Thank you for posting this. “Life is a tapestry woven with both joy and sorrow.” was a great opening line. Also, I really liked how, like a tapestry, you wove your best of times, and worst of times theme into the whole piece, linking many parts of your life together.

Etya Krichmar
Etya Krichmar
2 months ago
Reply to  David Godin

Thank you, David. I appreciate your comments.

Judy
Judy
2 months ago
JOHN ROCHE
JOHN ROCHE
2 months ago
Reply to  Judy

Judy,
Held me in suspense. I thought you were going to witness a tragic event.
John

Etya Krichmar
Etya Krichmar
2 months ago
Reply to  Judy

Good story. Recheck for words that echo and insert some transitions. I enjoyed it.

David Godin
David Godin
2 months ago
Reply to  Judy

a great short story. I really felt the danger and immediacy of the moment. The sound of the kid’s screams must have been very frightening as you were a kid yourself and could empathize with their situation. Had I had the same experience, I would have had nightmares about this for a long time. I hope you flesh the story out a bit at some point.

Judy
Judy
2 months ago

Here is my story for feedback next week.

JOHN ROCHE
JOHN ROCHE
2 months ago

Lotsa stuff goin’ on right now. So not much original material. I’ve been going through some of my early stories and editing them. The attached story is pretty much a rewrite, using tools that I have learned from LW and the LW family. Not sure if I posted it earlier. But I’m posting it now for feedback night.

Lorna Deane
Lorna Deane
2 months ago
Reply to  JOHN ROCHE

I liked your story John. Action packed even though you were stationary, good use of dialogue, and of course humour
Fits small ‘s’ story genre pefectly. Love the euphemism in the last paragraph.. Perhaps you could add more sensory details.

David Godin
David Godin
2 months ago
Reply to  JOHN ROCHE

I saw HOOKERS and had to read the story, and I was not disappointed. Very funny! I wonder what would have happened if you had taken off with the working girls. Would the cops have chased you?

Norma Beasley
Norma Beasley
2 months ago

My story “Akeria: A Love Story” is attached. Enjoy.

Orah Zamir
Orah Zamir
2 months ago
Reply to  Norma Beasley

I love your story, Norma. There are some stories that just touch the heart, and you write it so well.

JOHN ROCHE
JOHN ROCHE
2 months ago
Reply to  Norma Beasley

You Go, Girl!!!

Etya Krichmar
Etya Krichmar
2 months ago
Reply to  Norma Beasley

Good story, Norma! Good deed!

Linda Peterson
Linda Peterson
2 months ago
Reply to  Norma Beasley

Beautiful story, Norma.

Judy
Judy
2 months ago
Reply to  Norma Beasley

A lovely story Norma. You helped Akeria gain confidence as well as proficiency. Good for you Norma!

David Godin
David Godin
2 months ago
Reply to  Norma Beasley

This is a very moving story. Thank you for sharing. And thank you for your work with young children.

Kit Dwyer
Kit Dwyer
2 months ago

This story came to mind this morning. Scrumptious donuts.

JOHN ROCHE
JOHN ROCHE
2 months ago
Reply to  Kit Dwyer

Kit,

You’re gonna have to wait until Tuesday for my feedback.

John

David Godin
David Godin
2 months ago
Reply to  Kit Dwyer

Now I’m curious about tall green bay packers from back in the day! (my favorite team). An excellent telling of a kindness offered by a stranger to a little girl. Very uplifting!

Lorna Deane
Lorna Deane
2 months ago

My last story in the series on Canada. Thanks for your feedback and comments.

JOHN ROCHE
JOHN ROCHE
2 months ago
Reply to  Lorna Deane

Lorna,

In your earlier stories, I didn’t have the greatest picture of a girl from the islands acclimating to life in the great white north. You used a word in Part IV describing your entire journey. “I survived the snow with aplomb.” That word says it all.

A fun trip…thanx for sharing.

Nancy Archibald
Nancy Archibald
2 months ago
Reply to  Lorna Deane

Your story shows you had a rich and vibrant education and career, along with your sister. You have provided an experience to the reader of the changing weather in various locations in Canada. I lived in Kingston, Ontario and whenever I drove to Toronto in the winter, it rained or snowed, making driving in the four lanes of traffic hazardous.

Lorna Deane
Lorna Deane
2 months ago

Thank you Nancy. Not to mention when you are caught in the vicinity of a snowplough.

David Godin
David Godin
2 months ago
Reply to  Lorna Deane

I had a hard time following this because the story moves back and forth and not chronologically. And I am reading this as a standalone essay and not part of a larger document. I looked up the meaning of denouement; an ending and gathering of loose ends, and it made more sense. If I am correct, you leave Canada for Jamaica in 1971 and then briefly summarize a few years where your marriage dissolved and your former husband left to study in England. Your children were born during this period. Then in a paragraph you flashback to Canada in 1968.… Read more »

Lorna Deane
Lorna Deane
2 months ago
Reply to  David Godin

Hello David, Thanks for reading and for your detailed comments. I agree with much of what you have said. The story is intended to tie up loose ends arising from the previous three parts of the series. In No 1, narrated how it was that I went to Winnipeg, Canada in 1967 with my sister,Winsome. In No.11 I told of how I settled in Canada, wept many nights, worked hard and succeeded in my studies. No.111 dealt with the hardships the snow presented, how Mr. Deane found me, my graduation and wedding a few days after, in 1970. I left… Read more »

David Godin
David Godin
2 months ago

Another story, written from a writing prompt. The prompt was “forgiveness”

JOHN ROCHE
JOHN ROCHE
2 months ago
Reply to  David Godin

I definitely would have received THE BRUSH.”

Judy
Judy
2 months ago
Reply to  David Godin

Loved your story, David. I am well acquainted with the Ford Falcon. I took my driving test in our black and white Falcon in 1961. It’s amazing how we thought things like filling the back with sand were brilliant ideas at the time.

David Godin
David Godin
2 months ago
Reply to  Judy

I took my test in a1970 Plymouth Duster, manual transmission(weren’t most cars back then?). The Falcon was a cheap car made for young families. It was my parents’ first new car and a big step for them. I don’t know why Mom didn’t kill me that day. But in later years she more remembered when I cut my 2-year-old sister’s hair while playing barber.

David Godin
David Godin
3 months ago

My first August story and is about my mom. I read part of it during the open mic night but have modified(improved?) the story a bit since then.

Judy
Judy
2 months ago
Reply to  David Godin

That would’ve been a hoot to watch the competition between your parents. Especially the unasked-for golf advice. Good story.

Kit Dwyer
Kit Dwyer
2 months ago
Reply to  David Godin

David, I loved this story! Your mom reminds me of me! My favorite line ” a mild form of the Cold War “. So funny. Thanks sharing.

David Godin
David Godin
2 months ago
Reply to  Kit Dwyer

Mom had no trouble telling Dad what was on her mind. They both enjoyed the competition.

65
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x