In this video, we use an excerpt from The Puma Years by Laura Coleman to examine how to show rather than tell emotion.
Print the handout and follow along as we go paragraph by paragraph, looking at the characters and their actions, which communicate their emotional states.
Use this scene as a guide to imbue the stories you write this week with emotion.
Challenge Day 2. Comes with a warning.
My first attempt at emotional writing
Good story, Mary. You could make it even better by expanding on it a bit. For example, as a reader, I wanted to know the reason behind this prank. What motivated you to do it? Also, in the opening paragraph, you could improve it by re-writing the first sentence. Instead of “My sister, Peggy and husband, Jeff bought a camper that hooked up to the back of their car. “write something like this: In …. (year) my sister Peggy and her husband Jeff bought a camper that hooked up to the back of their car. It was a bit confusing… Read more »
Loved reading your scene in, A Camper Nightmare. It kept me wanting to read more to know what would happen next and all the way to the end. I love the way you build up the excitement too by having the attackers get into costume and gather weapons of choice. Your dialogue itself expresses much emotions. I think that even omitting several sentences would not take away from the emotion we know the child may be feeling. Those sentences are, “I am scared. Or I am really scared.” Your dialogue does a fabulous job in drawing us in to what… Read more »
Thank you!