Our first writing challenge for the morning is called Off to the Fair, and we’re going to write about your experience with fairs, festivals, and the like. Take seven minutes to get started.
Our first writing challenge for the morning is called Off to the Fair, and we’re going to write about your experience with fairs, festivals, and the like. Take seven minutes to get started.
The Fairest of the Fairs
Here is my story, “Off to the Fair” I welcome all edits.
Love your story Jackie. You captured the vibrance of youth as you retold the exchange between your best friend and yourself, and the activities of the Sunday Excursioners. You gave us an overview of things to see and do in Cincinnati, and Coney Island, and revealed more about you, your likes and dislikes.
Learn something new today. Cincinnati had a Cney Island too. I only knew the one that was in Brooklyn New York.
Here is my story.
Great description of your day at th fair and the importance of the fair to Jamaica.
Lorna, I enjoyed reading your story. Very descriptive.
Thank you for reading my story, Etya. pleased you enjoyed it.
Lorna another great story and so well written.
Jackie, Thank you for reading my story and for your kind comments.
Nice story, Lorna. I remember when I would go to our amusement parks, I always thought hose games of chance were rigged. The only one I thought worked in my favor was when the game host had to guess your birthday, weight or age. I almost always chose age.
Lisa Marie, Thanks for reading my story, and for your comments. Hope you had better success than we did!.
A story about the 4-H Achievement Day.
Nancy,
A very realistic portrayal of exhibiting at the fair. Well done!
I enjoyed this story. So much to consider of how hard life was on the farm. You might want to change petition to portion at the beginning.
I am posting a story about a day with Papa. He took me to a carnival. I expanded it from the prompt, and here is the final version.
Etya, another beautifully written story. Are you growing persimmons in your garden in Florida. I love them. When you mentioned Georgia, momentarily I thought this Georgia and then remembered one of the places I always wanted to visit was your Georgia, sadly I did not have that wish granted.
Another sweet, wonderful story of your father, now it continues with your heavenly encounters. lol&lol Momja
MomJa, they do not grow in Florida. We tried.
Thank you for a beautiful, action filled story, Etya. You took us along with you on all the rides, treats,and the rare display of bountiful fruits. Your devotion to your Dad, and his love and dedication to you, shine throughout the details. You learnt a useful lesson early in life. I note all the reasons you did not enjoy the persimmons. As an aside, I am just curious to know if you sudsequently developed a taste for it.
Thank you, Lorna fir reading my piece. When I got older, I developed a taste for persimmons. I wish I could grow them here, but we tried and it did not work. They have to live through cold to produce well.
Just wondered since it is one of my favourite fruits.
Such a delightful story about your day with Papa at the fair. Your Papa was so attentive to you and made sure you remembered this day. Your description made me feel like I was right there with you as you described the rides, the food, the gardens and biting into the persimmon fruit.
Thank you, Nancy.
What a beautiful story, Etya. Your descriptions exude the emotion and adoration you had of your Papa and the sweet relationship you had.
The last sentence, (I learned a from a rare fruit that in life) you there is an extra “a” after “learned.”
Thank you for noticing, I will fix it.
Here is my draft for the fair prompt. All feedback is welcome…I want to make it more interesting. Maybe shorten the scene and add a scene at the actual park.
Lisa marie,
I enjoyed reading your story. Loved how you captured the growing excitement of a child in anticipation of going on a treasured outing. Adding a scene or more at the actual park would enhance your story.
I enjoyed your portrayal of a young girl’s story of anticipation, despite your mother’s worries. I hope the fair was as eventful as you expected.
Love your story, Lisa! Well done. From what I read, the dialogue was great. Some reoettions of words you can clean up and in the last paragraph, I would change “….here we come to here I come!”
Thank you, Etya. Good suggestion.