It’s an often-heard term in writing circles, show don’t tell, but what does it mean?
Rather than telling readers what happened, we allow the situation to play out on the page and create a mini-movie in readers’ minds. We put them in our shoes, so they can experience the moment as we did.
This tool is especially effective when writing emotion because it makes the writer an observer of the emotion rather than a judge.
It’s a powerful tool each writer needs in his or her toolbox.
Let’s try again, am trying to post a story I wrote about a mini mind journey I recently encountered.
MomJa, loved this story. What a cool experience.
Great story. It is interesting when we Westerners deal with energy and psychic methods because they are so foreign to our material world thinking, but it is the way of the future and it works. Thanks for sharing the experience.
Orah, thanks for your comments, I value your comments. My Acupuncturist is quite Godly grounded, so this and other mind mending adventures that he leads me though is truly an adventure in releasing inner hurts to be eradicated. Thank you
This is a little mini mind journey I recently went through and thought I would share it with you all. Hope you enjoy.
Hello Writers,
I have resubmitted an edit on Rejected Again if you have a moment to read. Thank you for your time.
Thanks Idalia
How sad. I felt your emotions if disappointment, Ida. Well done!
Here is my story NM to Colorado for the day one submission.
Good story Lisa Marie. Can’t wait to see what happens next. I like how you pull us into the fray from the first sentence on.
I
Thank you, Judy. Thankfully the tow truck finally came. Called my friends once I got in town.
Hi LM. Riveting story. I was engaged from the get go. Sounded like a creepy thriller to me. Stopping for tumbleweed. Who would have thought. Apt title. Liked the monologue. Interesting descriptions. Glad someone “heard” you and someone appeared to help. I recently had the same thing happen to me car wise and did the same things you did. Got home safely by myself. I even had a warning but forgot to follow through. Keep up the good work.
Oh Norma, I hope your saga was much shorter. Sure glad you made it home. Thanks for the feedback.
Excellent. Good story well written, has a little of everthing. Glad you made it here.
Thank you, Orah. I’m glad too.
Lisa Marie, As usual, great story. Suspense, thought sections italicized, and hopefully you survived. Can’t wait for the rest of your story.
Thank you, Jackie. Definitely glad I survived.
What a scary experience, Lisa. I am glad it turned out okay. I loved your descriptions and a bit of humor now and then. Great job!
Thank you, Etya. I’m glad, too.
I posted my hat story on day one by mistake. Here is my day one story. FUTURE MOTHERS OF AMERICA! Orah Zamir I was a Sophomore at Boston University in1962, a student in the Division of General Education. DGE was a two-year program that integrated studies. There were two main courses: Humanities and Social Studies and other courses like Biology, which this story is about. I was in DGE because I was a student in Communications, headed for a degree in Journalism. I would study for two years in DGS and two years in Communications. On this day in Biology… Read more »
Oh my goodness, Orah, what a sight that must have been. I can imagine it well using your descriptions and dialogue.
Loved the story. Thankfully in my small town growing up we didn’t have to autopsy a frog.
Can well relate to your story as my major was Zoology. We had a large, dead, and loaded with formaldehyde frog. There were four of us, the three males all going on to Med school, and I. They didn’t want to touch the nasty old thing, so I was the designated “Gofer” I went to the barrel, picked it up, pinned in the flat pan, took it back to our dissecting area and proceeded. Wondering what kind of doctors they would become????
Enjoyed your story, Orah. Your descriptions were real. I got caught in the moment. When I was in college, doing a premed program, I had to dissect a frog. Thank god I did not have to kill it. It was dead and covered in formaldehyde.
Good story Orah! I barely got through Bio 101(English major here). good thing we had lab partners-i never could see a thing through that dam microscope!
The first of my three stories. It’s opens with a scene with the backstory story of how that scene came to be.
I look forward to any feedback you’d like to share with me on the way I portrayed emotions in the story.
Great delivery of thoughts and details. Your title is very good, too. Emotion is clear. Your descriptions were distinct and engaging. A relatable story of your way of dealing with grief and the aftermath of losing your mother. Well written, as usual. The photo was a nice touch, tying in your title and the beginning of your story. Clever.
Sweet story of loss and love.
Well crafted story, Steven. Powerful and beautiful use of lanquage. Your griief is vividly portrayed, as also the actions that brought you solace.
Steven, I love the title and the entire first page, which you wrote in a poetic style. Fascinating and beautiful! The dialog had a natural flow to it. “Intellectually, I knew the busywork was a masquerade of buried grief. It lurked within me, bitter and stale, a radioactive genie in a bottle with a crumbling cork that could pop anytime or anywhere.”
These lines are so profound. Thank for sharing.
Lovely, Steven. I like how you set the scene, went into the story, and circled back at the end. Your closeness to your mom really came through
Excellent writing, especially the inner conversation you had with your mother as you went through her belongings.
I like the way to tied the end to the beginning – it made a real difference in the story.
Very well done.
Wow Steven just admiration, you are a master at your art, you have left me speechless love the story love the details perfect flow touched my heart and freed my soul into that peer beautifully written
Thank you Alberto, I hope my piece inspires you to explore and share your voice on the written page. You’ll find this group to be a safe space to take risks.
I look forward to reading your submissions.
That is a very thoughtfully put together piece of writing! Loved it. Related to it as though it was many years ago when I lost my parents. I also still talk to the ones who went before me…and they answer and lift me up.
Thank you Monique for reading and commenting on my story. May I ask you a question? Did you find the tone of the story to be too formal?
This reader says ‘absolutely not’. I think the intro is lovely. I totally loved your spritual dialog that sounds so familiar. And I think you did a nice job of projecting mom’s care for your own well-being.
DAY 1 STORY: Road Verge Rage
Loved your story, Norma. You showed strong emotions. I am wondering how much the opening sentence had to do with what transpired. Great display of de-escalating a situation. I am not sure who rectified the “mess” and am only glad it was done.
My Day 1 story. Still trying to get the hang of show don’t tell.
Cathy. Loved the title and the story. Very good job injecting humor into a strange situation
Your description and wording are well done. I can readily feel your apprehension, relief and amusement.
Cathy, good descriptions of your neighbor. You definitely did more show than tell in this story. I loved it!
Good story – although I’m not sure what a thong is – I only know about two thongs – the kind you were on your feet and the kind young girls wear on their behinds. So that confused me a little bit. I like the visualization of you siting on the porch near the water talking on the phone. Also, nothing to do with the story – thank you for being so kind to Richie, it is the kindness and compassion that we show others that our world a good place.
“He comes to the door in his droopy hat with the thong, looking like a dusty olive-brown peasant. His arms dangle at his sides, plump hands are limp, his fingernails long”
That’s good show; it’s certainly not tell.
Thank God Richie didn’t ‘show’ you his problem!
I cannot agree more!
Hahaha. You’re so right, Peggy!
Day one story: I had to write it in 3d person – feedback welcome on how I can get over myself enough to rewrite in 1st: The New Hat Anna pulled into her parking spot at the City School District’s new office building, still savoring the accomplishment of earning her driver’s license recently at the grand old age of 32. Carefully, she removed her new hat and placed it on the passenger seat. She stroked the soft fur, tempted to keep it on, but decided it was too fancy for the office – white arctic fox, the most expensive item in… Read more »
Wow, Liz, What a story. It pulled me in from the start, and I could not wait to get to the end. I felt your emotions towards Eddie and your love for your hat. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Etya- I always enjoy your stories too
I appreciate that. Thanks.
This is my story. Posting on the correct page, this time.
Fascinating and spellbinding story Lorna.
Thank you, Judy. love your reaction.
You did an excellent job, Lorna. I was full of anticipation of what would happen next. You build up the tension so well. Scary, but well-written story.
Your physical descriptions and varying sentence lengths built tension. I experienced the emotion of urgency through story structure.
Ooooo, Lorna. What a chilling experience. I love Khalil’s recollection of you in the kitchen afterward, a bit of humorous relief following a clear sense of what you felt. Good story!
thought i posted day 1 (late). evidently i didn’t. the prompt was difficult for me. somehow i found a prompt from last year that started ” I knew I was in trouble when…” so here is my day one (late)
Keep writing your stories – keep educating all of us
I am posting my Day 1 Challenge on emotions. I really thought I posted my story but I can’t find it. It’s called Rejected Again. If anyone sees it elsewhere outside of Day 1 please let me know. Idalia
I am sorry but I didn’t understand who was who – I would have to reread this very slowly
Mary Clark,
After reading your reply and rereading my story, I think you’re absolutely right. My story Rejected again needed some clarification rephrasing of dialogue to identify the speaker. Thank you so much for the insight and the response. I have resubmitted an edit for your reading if you have any time. Thanks again.
thank you for writing about something so painful, Idalia. I can relate to being the “minus one”. Very powerful ending
Challenge 1
Alberto, you are a storyteller. I felt the emotions of Zoe and Marco as if I was there. Little kids do damn things. I had a similar experience when I was about four years old. I still feel terrible about what happened that day.
Alberto:
You’ve crafted a heartfelt story of good intentions gone terribly wrong.
I felt the emotion of shame through Zoe and Marcos.
My third attempt to upload
“Generations without a gap” is Priceless. Loved your story. Good description and your love for Mutti came through.
What a sweet story of Mutti and of wisdom passed between generations.
Very charming and engaging descriptions of your grandmother and especially of her gift for knitting. You had me at “a porcupine on a leash”.
Bravo!
Wow what a story brought tears to my eyes so emotional and full of wisdom and transitions, powerful ✨️, very well structured and written beautiful am in awe love it
Thank you for your comment. You seem to be truly touched by the story, and I hope it was not in an upsetting way..
Hi Monique. I’m glad you were able to post. I enjoyed your story about your grandmother. You showed how you can write a story that tells about the history of your grandmother and incorporate how she made you feel as a granddaughter.
Thank you so much for your feedback.
Day 1 Story
Your story is one of surprise and a bit of mystery. Did you intend to leave the reader with many questions?
You set the story up for suspense and emotion. It makes me want to know more about your life with the horses, with Anton and Anton’s children.
Peggy,
I appreciated your openness, candidness and vulnerability writing about, to me, is such a sensitive topic. I was left feeling conflicted over what had happened. Was it ok? Should he “have known better”? I also wanted to know more about any further conversations the author may have had with her mom. Thanks so much for sharing. It was very thought provoking.
First Story
Wonderful portrayal of your life as a nurse practitioner. A heavy load.
Interesting recollection, Nancy. Thanks for sharing.
My Day One story. A night on the porch.
I can’t say I’m satisfied with it. I wrote a very detailed narrative and then had to cut some out to fit the word limit. I am slowly learning how to be more efficient with my words, but I still find myself writing long, drawn out sentences.
Liked your story. Your descriptions are very clever. I have a feeling you might live in the Villages due to the golf carts returning after evening entertainment.
Yes I do. About 2 miles from a square. I see the nightly golf cart pilgrimage to the square, especially evident during snowbird season, and the caravans of carts returning home at the end of nightly entertainment. I’ve heard nine is the new twelve and its true that after the 9 o’clock cavalcade of carts, I could play field hockey on the road in front of my house and not be disturbed.
What a nice story you got out of an ordinary evening! Great description, especially of the dog.( As a Northerner, Im not sure I want to know what love bugs are…) I look forward to seeing more of your writing
Hi Liz. That’s a nice pic of love bugs. It really gets messy with those bugs. They get smashed on your windshield while one drives. The biological term for the connection is “flying in tandem.”
I had to send you a photo of love bugs. They are called that because they connect as shown, and even fly that way. A real nuisance twice a year in Florida, just as the mayfly hatch is a nuisance in Wisconsin.
ew! thanks
Very colorful description of Jake and your best friend relationship with him. Enjoyed how you portrayed the emotion of irritability through Jake’s point of view.
Love it, sounds like an awesome ace to be alone together ty for sharing brother very well written , really felt the sun and the breeze I was there with all of you ty
David, loved your story. Besides being an avid dog lover and felt I was sitting on the porch with the two of you, I loved your dog’s name. My nickname growing up and still to some of my living cousins, I, too, am Jake. Your writing is excellent. Jackie(Jake) Raymond
This is my Jake, my writing companion. He comes up with all the ideas, I just write the words.
Love it, he does have a bit of my facial expressions. I am such a dog freak. Growing up I use to play a game, when I saw a dog, I would imagine what his Master look like. 9 times out of 10, I hit their looks alike in my childlike mind. I still play that game, my sense of humor. Their nose, eyes and mouth steer love in me. I so need a dog, want a Labradoodle, medium, with seeing eye aid abilities, but living on the 20 floor of a condo in Midtown Atlanta, don’t know if I… Read more »
I think you did a good job, especially describing Jake. I feel your pain concerning overlong sentences.
I write them all the time and think something needs to be done with them.
Great description of Jake and your evenings on the porch with him as your companion. I also got a sense of your community – the golf carts returning from evening entertainment.
Very nice! I enjoyed reading it, Great description of Jake.. I could picture him clearly.
Does the photo match how you imagine he looks?
Almost. He has some pug in his DNA
That is what the vet says. I think that also accounts for the curly tail and the curly, whitish hair that grows out when his fur gets long.
He is cute
Here is my contribution to day one.
Very moving story Etya. Your love for your daughter was beautiful.
Thank you very much, Judy.
Very touching story Etya. Your descriptions, details and dialogue capture a range of emotions. I love to read your stories.
thank you.
What a lovely celebration of parenthood, told with much feeling.
I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
Etya, how beautiful. Your story, the smell and taste of the apple and the joy Yefim’s joy and love for you brought tears to my eyes. I loved it and you my little girl. MomJa
Thank you, MomJa.
What a beautifully written story. I hope you share this with your daughter.
Thank you. The chances of sharing it with her are very slim. Unfortunately.
That was beautiful, Etya.
Thank you, Peggy.
My Day One Story
nice one, Linda! I like how you brought other senses in – scents – and you definitely showed the feeling of fear with your thoughts and your re-positioning in the bucket, without ever telling the reader “I was terrified.” A+!
You and Nancy are quite the kindred spirited farm girls, I’m jealous. Being a city girl, I us to dream of what it would be like to live on a farm. Now your stories, so well written give me that taste of honey. However, my stomach did quiver as you were raised up into the heavens.
Hi Linda. Your story reminded me of driving our Allis-Chalmers on the farm. A few years later, with the Cockshutt tractor, Dad lifted me up in the front-end loader to cut a cotoneaster hedge. I was right there with you when you felt the jerks, moving to a different spot when picking apples.
My (and my husband’s) tractor preference is John Deere, practically the only brand he ever ran,save for his brother’s ancient F-20 Farmall. The Allis was the neighbor’s. Just had to show a
bit of our machinery snobbery.LOL!
I really felt the fear in your inner dialog! Thanks for providing a great example. I feel your pain as I am also a person who is “respectful’ of heights. And I’ve been on the bridge over the Royal Gorge. If you look closely, you can still see my handprints on the handrail.
LOL?
Loved your story. Especially the ending. “Grass never looked so green!” Ha ha!
This is my Day-one story.
Hi! Julie. Loved your first day emotion challenge story, My Only Sister. This is a very emotional story. I can sense your pain and internal frustration as well as your disappointment of the subject of the story. I was right there with you in your world of frustration as the faces of several of my family members could be your sister’s clone. Julie you did a great job of expressing emotion with words like “disappointed”, “my heart felt heavy, and anxiety took hold of my head and heart.” May I recommend you remove, “Appalled at her comment” and start with… Read more »
Your story hits home for me when my father died. Family relationships are so complicated. Your emotion came through in the dialogue and the telling of the story.
a strong story. It was difficult to separate the story from the technical aspects of your writing. I really like your use of dialog and hope to be as adept at it one day. On a more personal note, I am sorry that your sister cannot be who you need her to be.
You did the right thing, and now you are living a life without regrets. Poignant story.
Julie, I sensed your frustration with your sister. It seems almost every family has one similar story
This is my story. I wrote this as it happened which was a couple weeks ago so it’s still very fresh and ongoing.
Thank you for your story, Judy. Glad your son’s surgery was successful. I shared your emptions, shock, anxiety, relief. Your resolve and quiet strength shine through. This phrase may be tired, but rings, oh so true! Once a mother/parent, always a mother/parent..’
Wow. A brilliant story of your son’s bypass surgery. I could feel the frustration as you were driving through the streets of Washington to get to see him after surgery and the relief when you saw he was OK.
I felt your frustration. It is difficult when children become adults and the parent is only an advisor. I remember tuning my father out, especially in my younger years. And then, when he was gone, I heard his voice in my head and I couldn’t tune him out any more. I wish he were still here.
Nicely done, Judy. You put me in the room, and I felt your fear.
Judy, what a heart-wrenching story. I felt your emotions and was right there with you. We can only raise our children for 18 years, and then they are on their own. Most still stumble and fall at times, but we’re always there to pray for them and assist if needed. Thankfully your son is okay. Thanks for sharing!
Holy cow! I am so glad you son was OK – boy oh boy did he get lucky
I never did like hats. Not likely to ever change my mind. Naturally, I try to make my ears happy while taking a stroll in the brisk winter snowdays. My comfy home-knit will do the trick for that. And, I try to make my eyes happy on a bright sunny day by wearing something with a visor. Other than that there was only one time when I was obligated to wear a headcover, and that was during my working years when I had to visit a power station construction site to help coordinate service and material delivery. That headgear was… Read more »
I also never wear hats unless I need to. I liked your description of happy ears and happy eyes.
Cute story, Monique. I, too, don’t like hats, but I like when others wear them, especially the elaborate ones. I look at them as works of art. Hats make fashion statements, especially on a woman who has the face to carry them. Thanks for shariing.
Here is my Day One story.
Thank you for sharing this story with us. It sounds like you are in expert hands. I will be thinking of you.
REVISED VERSION HAT TO PROTECT THE EYELID REVISED In the course of my life, I have often worn hats to protect myself from the sun. They mean something different to me now because I am waiting for surgery to remove a Basal cell carcinoma from my eyelid. I went to the eye doctor because I had a cloud in my left eye. I thought it was a cataract ripening. He noticed something on my eyelid and sent me to an oculoplastic doctor to check it out. That doctor did a biopsy, and it came back positive. He did not tell… Read more »
Orah, I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. It is so aggravating when things like this happen to us. Why can’t people tell the truth? I will be praying for your quick healing and recovery. Thanks for sharing your story. I felt our emotions.
I had this procedure done on my head a month ago. It wasn’t that bad – he had to back in twice but says all is good now. I’m glad you listened to the universe!
I wish you luck, Orah. So sorry you have to go through this. If you doctor is the best in his field, you are already ahead of the game. Will keep you in my positive thoughts and prayers.