Since our sense of sight is the easiest to access for most, we will begin our challenge there.
We see the big things, but all too often, we overlook the details, which can make what we write more real. Maybe, it’s someone’s crooked tie, a tiny flower growing out of the sidewalk, a spider spinning its web in the crook of a tree. You get the picture.
Recall a travel moment and form a clear picture of it in your mind. Visualize the place and people, and once you have the big picture clearly in view, look for the details. You may even want to make a list of what you see. Then, write a sight-based memory and include a few of these gems.
The maximum word count for every day is 750 words, the equivalent of three (3) double-spaced, typewritten pages. You can write fewer words but not more, not even 751, and remember, all words count, even the little ones.
If you’d like, use the handout below to create a cluster or mindmap of possible story ideas. Print out several blank cluster diagrams and use them to focus your story on a moment that involves a short period of time and only a few people. If you’ve not yet watched the Brainstorm Your Stories by Clustering video, you may want to do that first.
When you’ve settled on what you wish to write, create a draft of your story. Post your work in the comments section below. Then read a few of your fellow challengers’ stories and include a word or two of encouragement. Happy writing!
I thought I had posted this story earlier. But here it is again.
Day 1 story-sight
What a beautiful picture you’ve painted; it must be a fond memory for you. I liked the way you kept looking back at Baba. It was a constant in your story. And you used many sensory details and descriptions that drew me to that beach: the squishy sand, his trousers the same color. Very nice.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read it.
Your story describes the beach on Greece. I have never been there. Your story gives me a glimpse of what it may have been like to enjoy playing in the ocean water with you sisters and friends. Thanks for the experience.
Thank you so much for taking the time to evade my story
Nancy I just noticed the word evade instead of read, hmm some auto correct there LOL
This my Day 1 story, seems at 1:00am the wrong story was posted, sorry, will try again.
Gosh Jackie…I wanted to hear more. That must have been quite a surprise with the parachutes. It reminded me of my trip to Greece in a way. It was one of my most memorable trips. Nice photo too. Keep writing…you have it within you.
Thank you, Norma, coming from you, I feel blessed. I seem to become a different being under pressure, on an adventure and 100% involved not only in the writing process, but human community involvement. I’m somewhat of a loner, and only child, but love to be needed. I had sort of buried those memories and couldn’t even remember for sure the year much less the date. Researching it all came to mind. I vividly remember the parachutes, the student protests (we were staying in the downtown area of Athens), and the news of how lucky we were to have gotten… Read more »
Wow, Jackie, you lived close to the action on that trip! Your amazing powers of translation were fun to read about. I like the pace of your writing; you keep the action flowing but at the same time direct our attention to what you see “out the window”. That’s an excellent writing skill. I also like the introduction or set up. Good story!
Catherine, you are so sweet. My writing is a three year work in progress you know. I think this Challenge has made a real difference in me. Read my Day 5 post, an end result. Thank you again.
What a great story at a particular time in history. Traveling gives us awareness of what is really going on in the world.
Thank you Nancy. I really loved challenge. Can’t believe how great I feel, guess sense of accomplishment. As I recalled, researched and wrote this story, I sort of ‘freak out’ a little. America has some of the pre-earmarks of 1960-70 Greece. But that is another story.
Wow. How could you forget that? Exciting but scary. Well written.
Thank you, Orah, not as good as yours, but with God all things are possiblle. You motivated me. It happened and I had put it in my Bucket List to write.
Enjoyed your story Jackie. Vivid recollection of the events on your trip. great writing.
Definitely a trip to remember! Nice hook at the beginning and nice wrap up at the end.
Interesting account of the action. One of those bone-chilling moments when you look in the mirror and realize what happened. Flowed well.
Thank you John. Interesting, look at Julie’s story. She wrote about going to Olympia and within hours I posted my story about driving to Olympia, the same place. Hope my story is foreshadowing some similar events we are facing present day.
Thank for your suggestions to do “Brain F…” My next story, Tastes, will be from one, the event that triggered my demise, of those Brain things.
Hope you enjoy my story.
What a surprise for you, Julie. Your excursion to Olympia was both visual and emotional for me. You accomplished a lot in a short piece. Nicely done.
Great description showing the aftermath of the fire. Glad you were able to see the collosium.
Interesting that you and Jackie both posted stories about Olympia and both had difficult experiences though of different kinds. Good writing. I was right with you viewing the ashes from the fires. Glad you were safe.
Julie, you won’t believe – fate also irony. My story posted above yours takes place in November of 1973 in Greece. We are driving from Athens, Greece, to Olympia, a 3 plus hour drive. The events of that trip sort of resonates some of the happenings here in US, pray our country rebounds better than Athens did. We did make it safely to Olympia and its beatiful surroundings and reveled in its ancient memories. We seem to have quite a few brush type events in our lives. Jackie R
This is my Day 1 story – sight.
Please see above for Jackie Raymond, NOVEMBER 5-14, 1973, A TRIP TO REMEMBER
Got confused. Posted my story under How and When to Post your assignments.
Here is my story for Day 1
I love the way you Incorporated yourself awareness from the workshop into the discussion of Nature and the trees it was beautifully done.
Hello Nancy, I am so pleased that you found my description beautiful. The scnery had such a great impact on me to the extent that many times since then, I dream of being in a place similar to that location. . One of these things I can’t explain. Thanks for reading and for your encouraging feedback.
Lorna,
Loved your descriptions of the forest. Having been to Maine, I could visualize.
The ending could be expanded. The story just seemed to stop.
Thank you for reading John and for your positive feedback and constructive observatiom. I will review and expand my story.
Lorna, you and I, Jackie R, did it. Your story is great, you are an excellent writer
Thanks Jackie, You positive feedback sis very reassuring.
Beautiful story and descriptions. My favorite is “…the slight rustling of the branches filtered the light into mosaic like shapes and sizes…. Nice writing.
Orah, Thank you for your encouraging words. This helps to allay doubts that I may have, and give me the impetous to continue writing.
Lorna, I enjoyed your story. You described the trees so well, I was there with you admiring their majestic beauty. My favorite line is “The trees stood tall and majestic, like sentinels, standing guard to keep me safe, and stretched over miles and miles, with no end in sight.”
Hello Etya, I am so pleased that you enjoyed my story. Comments and appreciation from a fellow writer are encouraging.
I had posted earlier showing some of the challengers on how to post their stories. I don’t have a story for today! But, yes, John, it was the invisible ink!
Lauren,
I really loved your use of the invisible ink. Kept me wondering throughout.
John
Lauren, I cannot see your story.
Jack Rabbit. Enjoy dear writers.
Ah, Norma, that was a stomach-churning ride. You use sensory words very well. “A sauna like day” for instance. You put it all in context for me but what I really liked is how the description of your emotions paralleled the action of the coaster: a slow start full of anticipation and nervous excitement then a crazy whirl of overwhelming sensation to a relieving, quivering halt. Finally, a last word. I’ll bet you always have a last word. Fun story.
Thanks Norma first sharing the action story of your ride on the roller coaster. It makes me even more determined not to ride on one. Your description leading up to the ride and the ride itself took me right there with you.
You weren’t too chicken to try it the first time. I would have been. Great description. You really had me in the experience.
Great descriptions Norma. But you spelled Pittsburgh wrong. I can’t remember how many times this Yunzer went to KennyWood. Always a fun, family place.
Norma, you are a brave soul. I have never been on a roller coaster. Nice descriptions and good suspense.
An encounter with an animal A few years before I retired from my teaching career, the headmistress organized an outing for grade five with their teachers and assistants to the luxurious Meridien Hotel in Cairo in order to watch to our great surprise a mammal: a dolphin! It goes without saying that being not particularly fond of animals, I was stunned and curious about the choice of this unexpected trip. My curiosity and that of my pupils’ grew as we reached our destination. The crystal transparent azure blue water of the pool was surely inviting. Then, suddenly we had a… Read more »
I love that last comment, Mireille. Your great appreciation for the trainer and dolphin is the center point of this story for me. Without your amazement, and that of the students this would be a nice piece about a dolphin show. But told from your point of view it becomes as personal and immediate for your reader as it was for you. Very nice.
Thank you Catherine for your positive feedback. Glad you liked it.
I went to see the dolphins in San Diego at Sea world, and I too found it amazing experience to see what they can do. Your description of the dolphins really helped me visualize them with their trainer.
Wonder-ful story. Dolphins are incredible. I was on a cruise once where my friend went swimming with the dolphins. I was too chicken to do that. I should have gone just to watch and see the dolphin. Nice writing.
Nicely done! Well-written descriptions. Thanks for sharing.
Wow…such an incredible experience! And so well written!
Beautiful memory — nice description of the water, the dolphins, your students and your own feelings.
Here is my Day One story.
I love your epiphany at the end of this story and how it ties into the beginning. I like the photo and the history. This is another piece that bears the stamp of your faith on what some would see as a mere curiosity. I really like where you take us with your experiences.
Vernon, beautifully written, especially your descriptions and insights. I have been on several Catholics Pilgrimages and as you, was awed and spiritually penetrated by sights, sounds and feelings absorbed at the different sights. Have been twice to Israel, Egypt on one of them. Baptism in the Jordan, helping to carry a huge, heavy fifteen foot wooden cross in Jerusalem singing “Were you there” were my most memorable. Sleeping in the church in Prague that houses the Infant’s statue was quite awesome, also. Thank you for sharing your beautifully written story. Jackie R
Moving story, Vernon. You descriptions are beautiful and created the experience of this holy place.
Vernon, You certainly did justice to this beautiful, sacred place.
Thanks, Linda. It was inspirational. Unfortunately I had no camera, otherwise, I would have also taken a picture of the “Welcome to Iowa” sign.
Vernon, I enjoyed reading your story. You described the Grotto so well, I could imagine the precious and semi-precious stones that took years to collect. How long did it take to complete it?
Thanks, Etya. As for completion, Fr Dobberstein was the architect and he died in 1954. Matt Szerensce retired in 1959, after 52 years of fulltime work. The Grotto was considered completed in 1964. They never charged visitors/pilgrims so the work depended on donations.
That is great!
Sounds like a beautiful place — I like how you brought the story around to the farm in the end — holy work. This story shows how you were influenced by the grotto, probably for the rest of your life!
Thanks for reading my work and sharing your thoughts.
Here’s my story for Day One: Occasionally, I have the chance to draw a deep breath and realize that I’m happy. Usually, the day goes by so quickly that I reach the end without being sure what happened. However, when I allow myself to be still and take it in, I’m always rewarded. We were on our way to Tallahassee for a library conference, my parents and I. We had stopped at a roadside park off Route 10 for a picnic. The table and benches were poured concrete, rough and uncomfortable. Small drifts of leaves had grown in the places… Read more »
Terry,
Just had to clear my cache and I forgot what I was going to say. Sweet little story and I’m glad you’re happy.
Terry, such a beautifully written story. I especially loved the part about the butterflies which is one of my families names for me, but you brought them to life in such a lovely manner, yes, making me, too, feel “just happy.” and with your beautiful story floating through my head, I will bid you ‘good night,’ head to bed with the pictures you painted in your story will lull me to sleep. Thank you, Terry.
Wow, my friend. What a beautiful recollection. You put me right there with you and I observed everything you witnessed. The ending is just perfect.
Wow, Terry! I was with you in that lovely, active scene. The trees, the river, your mom and dad, and the butterflies. You captured what it means to be happy and how we need to stop and appreciate beautiful moments. Nice job.
See the correct Day One writing. I submitted the wrong one yesterday. Sorry!
A beautiful memory, Raymond. Your descriptions were perfect, and I could see everything through your eyes. Glad you didn’t get in trouble for your curiosity.
That’s a vivid memory from long ago! I saw the kids packing the car, the car that your dad had so beautifully restored. Glad it had a happy ending and you learned a valuable lesson. Those are the best kind of memories.
I could see that car rolling gently backward, with you paralyzed in the front seat! Great job showing us not only the beauty of the dark blue paint job, but also the excitement of the trip and the effort your dad put into his work.
Hello, writing friends. I chose to write about a recent travel experience, my high school class reunion. I welcome ways I could incorporate more “sight” in my story.
Rose, Your story was descriptive and interesting. I was on the planning committee last year for my 45th—lots of work. Thanks for including the picture. You look ten years younger than your classmates. Thanks for sharing!
Rose, you stood out in this picture. Younger-looking than anyone else. What a wonderful memory. My class just celebrated our fifties anniversary, but for obvious reasons, I was not there. Thanks for sharing.
Rose — you made the most of a challenging situation — nice description of your preparation and the outcome. Shows it’s the people not the place that make memories important.
Dear Rose, even without the photograph I could picture the down-at-heels venue and your disappointment in not being able to provide music. Did you do anything to perk the place up besides the 1962 poster and the little stuffed eagles? If you want to expand on the story you could add some sensory details about the catering and perhaps more about your friends and fellow graduates.
Hello fellow writers. Here is story titled “Time to go” from a morning in my childhood as we prepared to travel from north to south in the mid ’70’s.
Any feedback is welcome.
Day one done.
I love your use of color in this piece, the gold shag and maize flooring and ivory banisters, all gave me a vivid sense of place. The loving family and the homely details of the bathroom clutter and on-the-go breakfast felt real. The best part for me was the way you slipped in that line about no stopping in parts of the south, so deftly done that it didn’t get in the way of the warm, loving tone of the story, but there as a reminder all the same. Great job.
Lisa Marie — I saw every scene in that exciting morning. The description of the bedroom, bathroom, hallway, kitchen, garage and car were like photographs. The dialogue was so reminiscent of many mornings in our house. Nicely done.
LM, you are a gifted writer. I smiled as I visualized the entire morning of your family preparing for their trip south. Thx for sharing.
Brilliant use of sight! Especially enjoyed the angle of vision from a young “chocolate” girl! Your dialogue sings! Many parts were so poetic … I really enjoyed this piece!
Day one.
Your words showed me the cramped store and its proprietors so clearly that I could almost believe I was there. I enjoyed Suzy’s enthusiasm and the awkwardness of the language barrier, not to mention the scare that “Herr” gave you. Thanks for sharing this remarkable memory.
Thank you, Terry. Somewhere Suzy has a picture of Herr. I remember seeing it. I also Googled the details, place, etc. I appreciate your comments.
Catherine — very descriptive language: the ironwork hung like a tiara; we stepped into another time. I loved that the memory of the shop was equal to the memory of the stallions. Fun to read and visualize myself in the scene.
Thanks for reading it, Nancy. I’m running out of time to both write and read! I love this exercise. Your comments are encouraging.
As a reader, I could visualize the shop and its keepers. Good use of simile — grillwork like a giant tiara, royal carriage. Not sure what a Tyrolean pattern is … perhaps explain further? Thank you, Catherine, for sharing a wonderful travel day in Vienna and Suzy’s fascination with butterflies.
Oh, thank you, Rose. I wish I had time to read all these wonderful posts and know how hard it is to keep up. I appreciate that you read my piece and gave me specific notes.
See my day one writing attached.
Good story, Raymond, even better because it’s true. That was a lot of information but you told it at a quick pace and got it all in.
Your story today is a testament to the miracle of our bodies ability to heal itself if we give it even half a chance. Mother Earth provides every plant and medicine we need for healthy lives but much information has been lost to the fast food and pharmaceutical industries unfortunately. Some people are ready to hear while others are not. Each person tries their best, I think. I’m glad your brother healed and I hope your sister-in-law does too.
Raymond,
I saw a lot of terms that I never knew existed. Interesting story about the medical community. There is always the uncertainty with trying different methods. But sometimes one needs to bite the bullet and go for it. Glad it worked out for your brother and best of luck for your sister-in-law.
.
Raymond,
Well written and convincing. I am convinced that there are ways to prevent cancer but not so sure about natural ways to treat cancer. But your story has moved me to move in the direction of considering alternatives to radiation and chemo. Thanks for sharing your story. Vern
My day one story, Once upon a time…
Great memory! Loved: new car smell, starkness of the open plains, ribbons of heat, annoying alarm. So vivid could have occurred yesterday. It was fun to read!
What a loving description of that new car – I could tell how much pleasure it gave you to be on the road in something fine enough to have air conditioning. Your description of the surrounding countryside gave me a sense of the distance and monotony of your trip. Thanks for sharing the memory.
When I was 19 I went to Russia for a study abroad program. The thing that stood out to me immediately was the way the taxi drivers drove. I was in a very mountainous area and when the taxi would try to overtake a truck on the way up the hill if another car was coming the other way they wouldn’t back down they would actually accelerate and the car that was coming the other way would move over slightly and they would just passing the center of the road. But the first time this happened I didn’t know that… Read more »
Wonderful description — like we were there.
I remember jeans could buy you almost anything! They kept us all corralled in one hotel that was used by all foreigners, followed us constantly and didn’t care much for questions…sounds like a great trip! I love your description!
When did you go there? What part if Russia were you in? I was born in the USSR and do not remember taxi drivers accepting cigarettes instead of money. I left in 1977.
When I was there in 1968, American and British cigarettes were VERY popular – so, yes, I can see that David’s story had some truth to it….
Yes, this is true. The American and European cigarettes were in high demand and most Soviets bought them on a Bkack Market, just like jeans were sold underground and people risked their lives to sell them. All of these items were considered contraband. However, paying for a ride with cigarettes while I lived there never happened. That us why I asked about the year David was there because things changed during perestroika.
I hear there is still a lot of crime in the villages and that the black market is still operating (maybe not dealing in cigarettes and jeans any more). Were you happy or sad to leave? Did you go to Israel afterwards?
Here is my Day One story.
What a beautiful memory — brought back some of mine. I liked: the jitneys, your description of the wooden horses, the description of “unless blood was involved” and your ending, “my sacrifice was worth it.” Fun times!
Your beautifully told memory brought back similar images for me, particularly of Ocean City Maryland. I love the sense of triumph at the end as you achieved the brass ring.
What beautiful summer childhood memories you have. thanks for sharing.
Fun story — those were the days!
Lovely description! So glad that you finally caught your brass ring!
Sites along a country road. I don’t remember where or when, but I remember what. I was almost seven, old enough to read printed words that didn’t have too many syllables. The family was traveling across the West from AFB to AFB. Two parents, four kids, no seatbelts and no air conditioning made for long, boring journeys. Our mint-green Ranch Wagon, “Betsy,” was crammed with a mattress, toys, books and kids. Each kid had one toy and one book. The girls brought along bald-headed dolls and picture books. My brother had a brown plastic horse with a tan plastic tail and mane. A young cowboy, Rex, smiled… Read more »
What fun, Nancy. You took me back to those long car trips and the Burma Shave signs. We did the same thing and spent a good part of our time in excitement waiting to see the same ones over and over. I liked all your description. It flowed so well. Liked “Four pairs of blue eyes…” and the conversations. Nice job.
Nicely done, Nancy! I enjoyed the details of the toys and your brother’s book. You did an excellent job of conveying everyone’s emotions — how many times I heard my dad say the line about “giving you something to whine about”! — and the mystery of the Burma Shave signs.
Interesting way to advertise…and occupy little children on the road. 🙂
Nancy, great detail. You put me on that dusty road where I was the parent cautioning one of our six daughters that I was about to, “stop this car and give you something to whine about.” After that, it just took a slight tapping of the brakes.
What a wonderful memory.
What a memory! Nice build up!
Oh so perfect! Really a terrific piece!
Sites along a country road.
Here is my story for Day One of the challenge.
Now I know where your love of nature began. You are such a good writer Rose, your descriptions are spot on. I could picture Camp Jackson perfectly.
Thanks Dar, I appreciate you reading my story and your comments.
What a sweet sacrifice your mom made for you and your siblings, Rose.
I learned something new…I’d never heard of a propane refrigerator.
Thanks Lisa Marie. We never realize those sacrifices when we are young, at least I didn’t.
Lovely piece! And so familiar to all of us in so many ways (except, of course, I hated fishing)
Thanks Robin. I hadn’t thought of Camp Jackson in years. It was nice to bring back the memories.
Posted the wrong file before. Here is the one for today.
I just read your story Etya. So calm in conveying wonder, wonderment and peace. If walls could talk, some stones will cross the ages and some homes will crumble to dust. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for reading. I love your poetic reply, Thierry.
Etya,, Your descriptions are vivid, and the feelings you experienced. and the voices you heard fill me with awe and reverence. You have beautifully captured the profound effect the pilgimage had on you. You are a good writer.
Thank you, Lorna for your kind comments. I went to Usrael to bring the boys if my dead buddy, who came to visit me in America. He died two days later. I spent a months in Usrael consoling my sister-in-lawNd my nephews and niece. During that time, my sister and I dud a bit of sghtseeing of the Holly land.
Beautiful, vivid description, not only of the locations but of the history and meaning. Your words make me want to take that pilgrimage.
I will go with you on that pilgrimage, my friend. Thanks for reading.
Etya,
Such a beautiful story. I am impressed that you were able to channel energy from the surroundings, and that you have a wish that all religions can come together and live in peace. The details of the steps, the wall, and the prayer stone helped me see this through your eyes. Thank you for sharing.
Millie,Chanel energy is the gift I received from Papa when he opened spirituality in me. Thank you for you kind words.
Etya,
Had you been my history teacher in high school, I might have earned better grades. You have amazed me on more than one occasion with your historical knowledge and story telling.
John, you are so kind. Thank you very much.
Beautiful and spiritual — I can see why this is a wonderful memory.
Thank you so much, Nancy
I love the echo of “a wonder” at the end of most of your passages – a powerful way of emphasizing the deep spiritual essence of your visit. Also – as I read your piece, I could fully relate to the reverberations emanating from the walls – which, in ancient places, do seem to hold the “vibrations” and messages from the past….especially through direct physical contact. The body knows and responds even before the mind can justify the reactions…such is the movement of spirit or nature or God…really…a beautiful writing.
Thank you so much, Robin.
What a beautiful description!
I appreciate it, Linda!
Etya, thanks for sharing this spiritual wonder. I felt like I was there.
I appreciate you taking the time to read it, Rose.
I am behind because of technological difficulties. Sorry, I missed the first meeting, but thanks to my wonderful friend Terry Deer, I had the prompt and wrote a story. Here it comes and I hope you like it. I hope to see you all tomorrow.
Day One Challenge Oh, I guess it goes here. I had joined John over in another room. Here is my story. Hope you like it.
Dar, you can find the funny side of the most gripping events. I enjoyed this tale of your camping misadventures, and the visual of Miss Phillips with blue dye running down her face is delightful. I hope you decide to tell more of the story.
Hey Dar,
Loved the story. It reminded me of my Air Force days when my squadron played war games in Arkansas and Texas. I fully understand the importance of the trench around the tent. Even as the squadron commander, I had to dig my own trench, as well as a ditch for natural functions.
This is one of those funny memories. Live and learn. Sounds like fun to me. Great job.
Very descriptive and funny! What a memory!
What an adventure! Your vivid descriptions kept me engaged from beginning to end. I can imagine you and your tent mates huddled together through the storm, when the blue streaked monster poked her head into the tent.
Enjoyed your story, Dar. Nice descriptions.
Dar, what an adventure. I can see Miss Phillips with navy blue running down her face.
Great story, Dar! The imagery is wonderful! I can just imagine being in
that tent when your troop leader stuck her head in that tent. I’d have
been diving for cover!
Day 1. Challenge Word count 750
Thanks for sharing Thierry. Very detailed. vivid and interesting descriptions.through the lens of a child. You writing style is effective.
Thierry,
Descriptive, as usual. I get delight in your translations from time-to-time. I may have missed it……but were you in the backseat looking to the rear?
John, the back of the car was full. I sat on the right side behind the front passenger seat..Thank you for reading.
Great descriptions of your trip. I could visualize you bumping along on the dusty bumpy road. Well done.
Thank you Raymond, it could also get slippery on the gravel.
I want to know more. Great descriptions.
Linda, thank you.
The detail in your descriptions made me feel a part of the story. The ending was effective foreshadowing and left me wanting to read more. Well done.
Foreshadowing, yes for sure, Thank you Rose.
Vivid descriptions, Thierry. I could follow you on your adventure. Thanks for sharing.
Etya, thank you for reading, it was quite an adventure as you say.
Thierry, what beautiful imagery. I felt I was in the car with you. Describing your mother as a foraging honeybee, the car being lost in a sea of six foot rubber tires meant to flatten you, the tension in the car as you had to roll up the windows. I hope you continue this story. I would love to hear more.
Thank you Millie, between eating home made sandwichs, my grandmother and the dust, more could be written, true!
Your memories of this trip and also noticing everything that was going on around you describes a very observant young boy. I really enjoyed your descriptions of all the nature scenes, the seas, the forests and mountains. It must have been what seemed like a long trip to a little lad. Good story.
Hi Dar, long but all part of the best moments. Observant and amazed. like the word ”lad”.
Hello Writers,
This story came out in third person. I decided to let it be. Let me know what you think.
I always learn so much from your writing, Millie. This was bittersweet. I was touched by the simplicity of the child’s viewpoint and the skill you used in describing the fireworks using familiar terms such as the mop strings and the “little trees” of broccoli. The third person voice worked well and gave me a little distance, so I think it was a good choice.
Millie,
I liked the third person approach. Gave it style. In the next to last paragraph, you reverted to first and second person. You might want to rearrange those sentences for consistency. Just a thought.
Well written. It must have been something to hear the walls talk. Something that you will never forget.
Loved “looked like crayons had scribbled across the sky.” I’m sure your daddy did see the fireworks.
Lovely story…I was especially touched by the way you wove your father’s presence and loss in and out of the story..
Millie,
I loved your descriptions! Written in the third person works very well for this story. While reading this story, I was that little girl.
Millie, this is a wonderful story. I think writing in the third person really puts the reader in the mind and experience of the young child. The descriptions of the fireworks and the thoughts of the child are vivid and real. I think this story would make an amazing children’s book. It portrays your love for your father and the connection that continues.
Millie, what a poignant description of the event. I loved the fact that you wrote it in the third person. Your love for your daddy came through, and I am sure he was there with you on the day you watched the fireworks.
OMG Millie…this story broke my heart. It’s beautiful. Your descriptions of the fireworks couldn’t be better. I was able to see them too. I hope your Daddy did too. I”m sure he did.
Patricia. Don’t hate me. This was a no brainer for me. I didn’t need to brainstorm. Five minutes after I took this photo, I fell on my ass on the freshly hosed down deck under the big X. I can’t repeat my language as I was on my way down.
I was ready to keep on reading, John. Successful hook to the story and wanting to know what happens next when the Roche family is out of the country on a grand adventure.
Interesting itinerary, John. Glad it turned out to be a great trip for you and your family.
Sounds exciting John. I was stationed in Alaska about 100 miles from Fairbanks so I know how the sun doesn`t go down in June and July. Good writing.
It would be fun to hear the rest of the story.
Sounds like an interesting trip! I hope they had an open bar…
Enjoyed your story, John. My dad, working in Alaska, said the same thing about the nights never getting dark. Maybe someday I can experience it. So sorry you busted your ____. Glad you were still able to walk and enjoy your trip.
Nice job, John. You did a good job with the description and put me right there to observe what we in Russian call the White Nights.
oh, oh. I guess that’s what happens when you are on a cruise ship in Iceland on a freshly hosed down deck in the middle of the night. Glad you didn’t break your drinking arm.
Hey John, if you watch any series on Netflex, the New Kingdom, Uhtred is main character, and I think you and Thierry and possibly Steven would like it.
Day 1
I loved it…. especially the worm part. I’m assuming that you were very young. You seemed to be as one with the fish. But how did it taste? LOL.
Makes ME want to have a vodka just thinking about it…I can’t stand the smell of fish to this day.
Strong imagery, especially of the worms fighting to avoid their fate. I sympathized with them and the hapless fish in your story. Great emotional content as well. No wonder it’s a vivid memory.
Thanks…I guess we’re a little weird to sympathize with a worm…:)
Beautiful imagery, Robin! Thank you for sharing, even when it isn’t the most peaceful experience, it can still be a vibrant story to tell.
Thanks Lauren! So nice to see your beautiful, cheerful face pop up!
Wonderful description — your dad definitely decided you didn’t like fishing!
Great imagery Robin. Enjoyed your descriptions. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you…
Robin, I enjoyed your story. Your vivid descriptions kept me engaged in the story from beginning to end.
Thank you…
I loved your story, Robin. You wrote it well and made me feel the hurt you experienced catching your first fish.
Thank you…I, obviously, have not eaten fish since then…
I enjoyed your story Robin even though fishing wasn’t the sport for you. At least you tried. I hope you found something else that brought as much pleasure as fishing brought to your father,
I love being on the water…that was the real joy. My father found very little joy in anything.
Robin, what a beautiful story. As a young girl, you were sensitive to life, the wriggly worm and the squirming fish. I am glad your father didn’t force you to fish again. Great job.
Thank you Millie….I was probably a little TOO sensitive!